Sunday, January 27, 2013

Stop badmouthing my vagina!

As a vain woman I have been feeling really offended by some of the ads that target my vagina as -an unwilling prospect. The vajayjay has become big business on TV the past years.
To be fair: Advertising has always been notorious for telling women that their bodies are unclean. But recently the vagina has blossomed into a real prime-time matter.

Has it ever occurred to the advertisers that women might find this sort of ads for feminine hygiene products to be dreadfully embarrassing and annoying?
I mean- would Mr. Brand manager be comfortable when a peer is modeling an itchy and smelly groin on public television whilst drinking wine with a lady in front of the TV? I guess not. So, every time our vagina is explained to detail on TV in a room full of men, we shrink a bit down there. Think about that, would you, Mr. Brand manager?

The worst one of the bunch is the latest Always ad. The ad starts off with stating that ‘you have to steer clear of standing next to people while on your period’.
Excuse me?
Do I live in a fucking tribe in Africa where they would lock me up in a shed during my monthly madness?
They then continue explaining that whilst being on your period, you smell like crap.
What the fuck, dude?

Not only our periods are targeted during a TV dinner. Recently there has been an ad running stating that one in ten females have issues with keeping their pants dry. They show women mid-thirty scared to run to make the bus, ‘cause they’d wet themselves’. Maybe they should take into consideration that one in ten females is older then 65. They don’t tend to run anyways, so no harm there.

Like I said; vagina bashing isn't just a recent trend. I remember when growing up my little brother really freaked out about all that was referred to as ‘what girls get’. My mom and me got randomly booed at whenever he’d seen a tampon ad.
But at least the tampon was sugarcoated back then.
(To my great pleasure my brother has been working at Procter & Gamble for the last 2 years.
His accounts include Always.
He knows more about monthly periods than Oprah Winfrey.
Luckily for him, he’s no Mr. Brand manager.)

So, to conclude this stinky proposition against commercial feminism, I just want to say to all y’all boys who think we girls are bloody and smelly monsters:
Not all of us bleed like we got stabbed in the vajayjay by Michael Myers.
Not all of us pee in our pants when excited.
Not all of us smell like a harbor during mussel-season. 
And while we’re at it; –come on – it’s bull-crap to use a female in anti-diarrhea commercials. We all know that girls don’t poop.

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